Many of you know I don't have children of my own. I do, however, have a very beloved dog who has had medical issues pretty much from the day we brought him home.

Over the years, we've navigated digestive issues, allergies, recurrent ear infections, reverse sneezing in the middle of the night, joint pain, ultrasounds, X-rays, and more urgent-care visits than I care to count.

We've worked with veterinarians, nutritionists, an acupuncturist, an osteopath, and a physical therapist.

I've learned a lot about what it's like to be deeply grateful for good acute care while still wishing someone could help you understand the bigger picture.

And I've learned what it's like to be the person making the decisions when you aren't entirely sure what the right decision is.

Last night at 2am, my dog started pacing.

At first, I thought he was just startled by something. But then I recognized a familiar pattern. He was shaking. He wasn't settling. And eventually, I realized he was probably in pain.

My husband and I found ourselves asking all the familiar questions:

Is this actually urgent? Are we overreacting? Should we wait? Should we drive 30 minutes to an unfamiliar emergency clinic? What are they going to find? What is this going to cost? Are we making the right call?

We went.

Thankfully, the doctor was wonderful. She helped us make a plan, treated him for pain and inflammation, and gave us clear parameters for what to watch for on the drive home.

And even with a plan, there were still hours of uncertainty.

Was he getting better? Was he just exhausted? Should we admit him for more intense support?

Hours later, I was exhausted and completely dysregulated from a night of making decisions and watching someone I love be uncomfortable.

Sometimes the hardest part isn't that single night's decision itself. It's the ongoing fatigue of having to make so many decisions when you're the one who knows your family better than anyone.

Earlier in the week, a parent I worked with became emotional talking about her 14-year-old.

It wasn't just about one appointment or one recommendation.

It was the weight of 14 years of trying to understand what might be contributing to her child's struggles.

The appointments and procedures he'd already endured.
The questions.
The different opinions.
The feeling that there might finally be another piece of the puzzle, while also wondering why it took so long to get here.

And underneath the tears was something I see often in the parents I work with:

Relief and frustration can exist at the same time.

Relief that maybe there are finally some new questions to ask.

Frustration that those questions weren't part of the conversation sooner.

Hope that understanding more might change how the next 14 years will look.

And always a fear of making the wrong decision now.

This is a big part of why I do what I do.

I don't believe there is one universal roadmap for a child with mouth breathing, snoring, restless sleep, feeding challenges, a tongue-tie, crowding, jaw-development concerns, or any of the other pieces that can bring a family into the airway world.

Sometimes you simply need someone you trust to help you step back and ask:

Is this something I need to act on now, or can I take a breath and gather more information first?

That's the space I'm grateful to hold for parents.

One question, one decision, one piece of the puzzle at a time.

And thankfully, tonight my dog is back to doing what he does best: asking for food and bringing me toys.

“So what am I supposed to do?”

Earlier this month, I experienced a version of this same conversation from a completely different perspective.

I was in London for a professional conference, and after the first two speakers presented their lectures, a dentist kicked off the Q&A by admitting that his confusion was through the roof.

His question was essentially:

“The first person says we should expand. The second person says we shouldn't. So what am I supposed to do?”

This is incredibly relatable to anyone trying to make sense of this airway-health space.

You can have smart, well-intentioned professionals looking at the same child, wanting the same general outcome, but coming from different training, different philosophies, and different approaches.

One person might say expansion.

Another might say focus on function first.

Another might be looking at nutrition, sleep, nasal breathing, bodywork, or something else entirely.

That doesn't necessarily mean one person is right and everyone else is wrong.

There can be more than one way to get there.

The bigger question, at least in my mind, is:

What are we actually trying to accomplish?

How do we support healthier growth and development?
How do we give a child the best possible foundation for health over a lifetime? And are we looking at all the right inputs, or are we missing something?

But if a dentist who is actively learning about all of this can feel confused by conflicting recommendations... suddenly, the high level of confusion that parents are experiencing makes even more sense.

Because parents are often hearing these same conflicting opinions back to back:

“Expand.”

“That's too aggressive. She's too young.”

“Release the tongue.”

“The tongue looks fine.”

“See an ENT.”

"Everything is fine, you just need to relax." (Yes, really.)

And suddenly you're the parent who is supposed to figure out which professional has the right answer.

That's a lot to carry. That's why this next share feels like one of the most important conversations I've had in a while.

This month's GetExpanded Interview: When the experts don't agree...

I invited Dr. Michael DeLuke, an orthodontist who's become a leading voice in navigating conflict when you don't see eye-to-eye with your colleagues. We talked about some of the division and confusion that exists within orthodontics and airway dentistry, even among professionals who ultimately share many of the same goals. It's a conversation that I think parents and providers should be listening to.

2 pearls of wisdom from this month's Toothseekers Parent Meetup

1. When things aren't "so bad," it still doesn't mean things are all good...

One of the challenges we talked about is that some kids don't have the more obvious hallmark red flags that prompt someone to investigate airway or functional issues, namely recurrent ear infections or strep throat.

But maybe they're more subtly struggling with sleep, feeding, posture, breathing, or development in ways that don't quite add up.

Sometimes the hardest part is knowing what questions to ask when nobody on your child's medical team has given you reassurance or validation that there's a real reason to keep looking for answers.

2. Don't confuse “close by” with “right for my child.”

One parent asked whether it was crazy to drive several hours for care. If that's possible for your family, I don't think it is.

In fact, two parents on the call, living in different states, happened to be going to the same clinic!

Age, personality, circumstances, and the specific needs of the child can all influence what kind of provider is the right fit, and that could even vary between siblings in the same household.

Not every family can travel, of course, and convenience absolutely matters. But one of the most common complaints I hear from parents is that they regret settling for care simply because it was the most convenient option.

Sometimes, when it's possible, the extra drive is worth considering.

These are the kinds of conversations I love about Toothseekers.

No one-size-fits-all answers. Just parents asking better questions, sharing what they've learned, and helping each other see possibilities they may not have considered before.

Our Next Toothseekers Call

Myofunctional Therapy, Sleep, Tongue Ties & More!​
Co-hosted by Esther Greenberg

Wednesday, October 14th​
​12 PM ET

That's all for this month.

Until next time,

Julia